Communicate and get those answers, OP. Many men have begun leaving the Church in their early twenties as the mission has become more important. Between kids and his work and his being asleep in the living room chair, there is no communication. Pretty alarming how unsophisticated so many presumably well-educated people's expectations are of marriage. We DO live paycheck to paycheck. In fact, the church is designed to help people come unto Christ, who is the only one who can change our hearts and help us overcome ourselves to come back to him. You've all been so helpful.
My wife and her family are a good example of this. My wife expects me to understand her situation but whiles I am willing to understand, I wish she would make some effort to etch out some quality time for us when she is not stressed out and grumpy and irritable. We also do not allow harassment of those who post about being victims of rape, or who state that they are contemplating suicide. She might be everything you want, but in her eyes you are not what she has been dreaming of her whole life. I expected long hours and lots of call, which there are. I went to BYU. You can ask her directly, or through sources like other Mormons or reading their books.
The fact that you bring your query to Joanna Brooks rather than church authorities reveals much. But our marriage is strong, and our children are good people. The ideal, in my opinion, is that she discovers what we all know about the lies the church tells her. But what does it really mean to be a patriarch, to lead your tribe.
If I had one thing to add, mixed race marriages are quite similar. I think your response is Bang on. But what I discovered surprised me. All you care about is the paycheck. I'm glad he's upfront about the difficulty in dating for him. I ask myself that every day. I can't take it.